Cigarettes and coffee

I bought a pack of cigarettes at about 3 am. Since then, I have smoked 8 of them. It has been 8 hours and 20 minutes. So I'm averaging one per hour. But actually, because I was asleep for 3 of those hours, I'm averaging more than one per hour. I will give them away tonight. My head is tingling. I have a sick feeling in my stomach. I've also drunk alot of coffee. I slept 3 hours last night. I feel nervous and unsettled. Didn't expect to feel this way. But, all things considered, I shouldn't expect to feel very good after drinking so much coffee and smoking all those cigarettes.

I miss my aunt and my mom and my dad and my brother, and my dog and my cat. When I visit home, I feel safe and good. But if I stay there too long I feel restless. When I am away from home, I am not so restless, but I feel less safe and more unsure about myselt. Then I start to miss home. So when I'm at home, I feel the urge to go out into the world.

Ok, thats all, bye. I think I need to develop inner strength! That would help.