The Darkness in my heart was born of a thousand mothers

One time, I was feeling really sad, and so I tried to write the saddest poem I could write, because sometimes that makes me feel better. It was the day before my period. The entire day, everything I saw and did and felt confirmed that I should be sad, that the world is a terrible place, and that there is no reason for happiness. For example, I drank coffee and ate a delicious strawberry and cream cheese pastry and the air outside was beautiful and it made me sad. Does that make sense? No. Not at all. But I saw how fleeting the food was, how easily the coffee disappeared, how I bought myself breakfast - a treat because I usually don't eat out for breakfast - and then it was gone, I was no happier than before, I was hopped up on coffee and sugar, my life is useless, I am just a consumer, I am not in touch with any greater force, I don't see god anywhere, happiness is for the deluded, the drugged, the intoxicated. The next day I got my period and started feeling better. The same things I saw and felt the day before seemed brighter and happier. I laughed at myself, because sadness can be so selfish and dumb. I concluded that happiness is chemicals. Well, I am currently in the middle of my monthly cycle. My hormones are high. My body is preparing for fertilization, and I am content. Anyway, life is arbitrary. Thats all that I can conclude. Here is my poem from that sad day.

It was my confused night,
it was my darkened heart
that led me here,
it was me alone.
They say
that the light of the whole world dies with the sun
and the light of a person dies with love.
I remember the dark outline of the trees at night, in Idaho,
towering and concealing things,
animals, predators, prey.
Fear on earth forgets the stars,
the darkness
means nothing,
where hungry eyes
ever present, watch and follow,
and each person is alone.
and every creature struggles until it dies.

....