The urge to run

Lately I've been feeling the urge to run away from Dallas very strongly. I feel like I MUST leave or die lonely, sad, and unfullfilled. I feel like my life-drive is at stake. But it's hard for me to tell if I am running away from my own self, or from the structure of this place. I feel suffocated, but I can't tell if I am suffocating myself, or being suffocated by something else. I see so many people around me that seem content with living here. But I don't feel content at all. I feel disconnected and alone and frustrated. I feel like there must be a better way, a better infrastructure, somewhere else. But then the question is - do I run? Do I find this ready made place and go there, or do I make my own peace HERE? It's not so bad... it's just not so good either. And I have a strong feeling that I need to take action soon. (but what action?) Its like - I see the slow motion torpedo approaching my ship - but I don't know how to control the ship to move it out of the way. All I know is that I don't want the torpedo to hit me! And I have a brain. And fingers. And everything I need to save myself - just no clue where to start.


I just want a community. Dammit. I want to feel that my work strengthens the life forces instead of sucking them away! I want to create and share and laugh and breathe.

Is that so crazy?

Am I missing the point?

Any thoughts??????